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Extreme Russian Cat Breeding

Tue, 12/01/2009 - 23:28 — JimFoster

As seen in the following news clip, as of two years ago a Russian Babuska has bred 130 cats for purposes as yet unown to Western observers.  This clip was posted by alleged Russian double agent "Floorplay".  More recent information is unknown, there could be thousands by now.  What is the purpose of this Russian "kittie ranch"?


As always, our news analysts here at pinkomenace.com have the answers ready for you.  The most obvious Russian use for these cats would be as infiltrators into Western Europe first and then possibly by boat or across the Bering Strait into the US.  These cats would appear loyal to their American "masters", but upon a secret signal from mother Russia would rise up against their owners and overthrow the government.

One will also notice that at the beginning of this news clip the screen reads "HOBO...".  Althought this cannot be confirmed at this juncture, it is strongly suspected that there is a parallel program going on to train hobos to work in conjunction with these infiltrator cats.

tesla coil    Cat Warrior
The results of many years of training

This, of course is only the scenario if hardliners in the Russian government have their way.  The other likely possibility is that they will be used in negotiations with Vietnam or North Korea in a program similar to the "food for oil" program used with Iraq in the late 90s.
 
Typical Russian Cat
 
Typical Russian house cat before training
Photo: Pravda.ru

UPDATE 11/18/2009:

Further research has shown that this Russian cat-breeding program could be in response to a secret American project began in the 1960s.  The result of this experiment was an American cat was know as "Acoustic Kitty" and was killed by a taxi cab after a $10 million American investment.  This cat featured such advancements as a tail-mounted antenna and implanted listening equipment.  The cat was also apparently trained, but not well enough to avoid succumbing to a possible Communist-driven taxi.

FURTHER UPDATE 11/20/2009:

Interestingly enogh "Adult Swim Games" is now featuring a game called "Meowcenaries".  The purpose of this game is unkown, but is assumed to be a tool used to train US operators in the operation in a new generation of "Acoustic Kitty" (see above).  The game itself takes quite a while to load which is either an indication of it's sophistication or more likely is a result of Red Army internet sabatoge.  Interestingly enough, this game is available on ITunes which per our article on 11/18/09 makes us somewhat suspicious of Apple's motivations.

See also: English developing a new counter to the Russian Cat Menace.

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