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Soviets Respond to US Missile Defense System

Wed, 12/02/2009 - 23:27 — JimFoster

Russia has long been suspicious of America's attempts to intercept ballistic missiles with programs ranging from Reagan's Strategic Defense Initiative (or Star Wars program) to Bush's planned missile defense system that has since been either modified or scrapped by the Obama administration (depending on whether you generally listen to Glenn Beck or Kieth Olbermann).  Althought Mr. Obama says that the newly modified system will actually provide more missile protection than the previous system, new intelligence gathered by pinkomenace.com reveals that these claims may be irrelevant.

Many Bothans died to bring  this video...

As seen at 0:03 in this incredible video, a shuttlecraft can be seen leaving Moscow en route to an Imperial Star Destroyer.  Believed to be on this shuttlecraft is Russian prime minister and ex-KGB agent Vladimir Putin sent to sign an interstellar alliance treaty with Emperor Palpatine.  Once the full effect of this treaty is felt on earth, the future looks quite dim for the free world.

young putin

young Vladimir scored only a 3/10 on amihotornot.com

One may wonder why the Dark Lord of the Sith decided to ally with Russia rather than the US, or even Germany (who historically has shared the Empire's vision of galactic domination).  Embarrasingly enough for them, Russia was initially only the third choice of the Empire.

GERMANY ELIMINATED:

Generals       Merkel

Although originally Germany was Emperor Palpatine's first choice, when it was discovered that Germany was now run by a female they were eliminated from consideration.  No woman has ever held significant position of power in the Galactic Empire, and Lord Vader was not in the mood to embrace change.

USA ELIMATED:

lando

So, I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever!

Although Lando Calrissian was actually  an African-Cloud City Resident unlike African-American United States leader Barak Obama, the Dark Lord just wasn't able to overcome the fact he was double-crossed by the only dark-skinned person in space.  As with Merkel and females, the Empire is also not known to employ dark-skinned officers in leadership positions (so as to further accent Lord Vader's darkness). 

Russia?

Poontin        tarkin

family resemblance?

Once Russia was put under consideration, the Empire knew it had found it's best prospects for a partner on earth.  Not only does prime minister Vladimir Putin look incredibly similar to current Imperial officers such as admiral Tarkin pictured above, his penchant for thallium poisioning earned him enough points with the Dark Lord to forgo considering other partners.

As always, we will continue to watch this story and keep you informed of any developments.

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