pinkomenace.com

In a pinkonews.webs.com exclusive, we've intercepted some astounding audio of a Soviet officer and someone that he refers to as his "first mate" trying to recruit American college students into the Red Army.  Here at pinkonews, we are proud to say that these young Americans resisted such temptations as a free cow, dental plan, and the respect of Russian women.  Not only did they resist, they managed to keep the Pinko recruiters on the phone for nearly 30 minutes, sparing other more vulnerable young men from the allure of glory in the "Red @#$%'n Army".

Here at pinkonews we especially admire how the Americans stick up for their country insulting the Russian's "terrible accents" or making fun of  their genitals.  These Americans even go so far as to imply that the esteemed Red Army rank of "First Mate" is somehow an idication of his sexual preference.

What, you think we have no Chick Fil a in Russia?!

This entire clip is almost 30 minutes long as the Russians have been trained to be persistent in their recruiting efforts.  So far we've only been able to decode just over 4 minutes of this clip.  Stay tuned for updates, as we will have the whole call available in the near future.

UPDATE: Although before we only had four minutes of this call available to you, thanks to the power of the internet and the tireless work of our cryptographic department, we now have the entire call available to you.