pinkomenace.com

Although environmentalists are never literally "up in arms" as they are mostly hippie pacifists, pinkomenace.com has received word that they are prepared for a flurry or civil disobedience and/or sit-ins over a new Russian project. According to our sources, and corroborated by the following video posted by astute Russian observer "aapinator", the Soviet overlords are preparing citizens for deforestation missions.  Not since Jean-Cslaude VanDamme's training in "Kickboxer" has this much hand-to-hand tree carnage been witnessed.
 

"That tree killed my brother!"

Although Russians are no strangers to chopping down trees with their axes for shelter and warmth,  this threat is altogether different.  Before, killing trees was about survival, but as this man clearly demonstrates, there is a new hatred for trees of all types amongst these brainwashed Russian men.

Notice around 0:25 when he screams what translates to "Haaiidouken!" in Russian

It is believed that men like this are from a secret Russian cult that believes all forms of wood are products of their Russian devil.  Behind this cult and its strange (to Westerners) beliefs, is a secret mission from Vladimir Putin himself to train citizens in international arboreal destruction.  Russia has already attempted to destroy trees in it's own Taiga Region, but now have targeted America.  These men and their cult have their sights set on finally chopping down the mighty redwoods of California with only their fists, shins, and feet.

But what is the purpose of this destruction?  The answer lies in Russia's selfish desire to live in a warmer climate.  To this end, Russia has always been a major polluter and oil exporter, causing it's fair share of carbon emission and theoretically contributing greatly to global warming.  Global pollution goals have, however, always been hampered by trees.  Trees, which take in carbon-dioxide (thought to cause global warming) and emit only oxygen, are the target of this special Russian project.  With these specially trained citizens, Russia plans to eliminate fifty percent of the world's trees within five years.  According to Soviet scientists, this should raise Russia's average temperature by 5 degrees Celsius by the year 2015.

See Also: Russian Tree Hatred Part II

UPDATE 11/18/09:

According to German news magazine Spiegel Online, Barack Obama has "Failed the World on Climate Change."  This headline is somewhat misleading.  Sure, sweltering countries like India and Egypt might not like their countries becoming even more hot.  However, to say Mr. Obama has "Failed the World" seems somewhat inaccurate given Russia's stance on the issue (not to mention such other countries that would benefit such as Mongolia and Canada).

UPDATE 12/7/09:

According to several sources including the Internet's Russian info center, "Russian hackers have cracked the server of the University of East Anglia, which dealt with climate change and global warming problems, and found that research resuts were forged."  At least that's what the Russians are saying.  If Russians are actively and purposely participating in global warming, it would be in their best interest to steal or simply make up "stolen" data and correspondence from this university in order to keep global warming on schedule.