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Hugo Chavez is the current el presidente de Venezuela.  He was elected presidente in 1998 with campaigno promises of helping poor people who make up a majority in his country.  According to him the rich oil executives in his country lived in "luxury chalets where they perform orgies, drinking whiskey".  Why they couldn't drink Tequila like the rest of the population was no doubt a large part of the country's social unrest.  His election followed an attempted unsuccessful coup in 1992 where he claimed he had only failed "por ahora" or "for now".  Apparently trying to take over the government doesn't disqualify you from running for office later in life - at least in Venezuela or Germany for that matter.

As of this writing, he ranks just under Adolf Hitler for staying in power as a dictator (who also had staged a failed coup before taking power) at 11 years.  He ranks above Kim Jong Il as he only has 9 years under his tiny belt.  Chavez very much looks up to Fidel Castro, who, in addition to speaking fluent Spanish, has been in power in Cuba for nearly 44 years.

It is believed that Mr. Chavez loves Tacos and movies featuring Andy Samberg.  Also, it is known that Mr. Chavez enjoys World or Warcraft, but will switch to only playing Communist RPG "Allods" later this month.

"And I declare that every Wednesday will be Taco day!"
(todos los Martez son dias de Taco!)

Early Life:  Hugo was born to two pinko teachers in 1958, and was the younger of two brothers.  Hugo's older brother is now only governor of Barinas, the state where these brothers were born.  Certainly Hugo takes great pride in the fact that he is now "jeffe numero uno" and his brother is only "jeffe pequeno".  Mr. Chavez is described as a "keen baseball player" by BBC news, but just as with Barack Obama and basketball, would anyone really try their hardest to beat the leader of their country at their favorite sport?

Foreign Policy:  Mr. Chavez's foreign policy basically consists of both teasing the United States with the fact that he has oil resources and selling it to the US through Citgo.  Additionally, Hugo loves to rant in front of the UN, claiming that the podium always smelled like sulfur after George Bush was done speaking. According to him it smells only of "hope" now.  Although he was thought to be making a reference to the devil and hell, we think he may have been actually been confusing both pure sulphur and "hope" with hydrogen sulfide, a gas that many politicians have emitted throughout the ages.

Update 12/15/09: Apparently Mr. Chavez is no longer enamored with President Obama as Pravda quoted him as saying that Obama was the winner of the "Nobel Prize of War."  The smell of sulphur should be back at the UN podium before too long.

Awards:  Mr. Chavez has received numerous honorary doctorates.  Among the institutions awarding this to him include one based in Russia and one in China.  Apparently pinko countries believe in a "chicken in every pot and a diploma in every hand".  This is interesting since he left Simon Bolivar University after doing graduate studies without receiving a degree there. Probably too much partying.  However, unlike American officials, when one controls the media your college indiscretions don't make the news.  Hugo also was named one of the world's 100 most influential people by Time Magazine.

US Naval Officer:  "So this turret here is what we will use on you if you don't give us more oil."
Mr. Chavez: "Oil para usted? Haha, no, no me gusto!"