Pinko Profile: Kim Jong-il

Kim Jong-il is the current dictator of North Korea and is known to his subjects either as  "Dear Leader" or "Lil' Kim".  He is described by CNN as "One of the most mysterious leaders in the world."   Kim Jong-il holds multiple roles in the North Korean government including: Chairman of the National Defense Commission, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army, and General Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea (North Korea's ruling party since 1948).  
 

Kim Jong-Il

When Kim isn't our playing golf, he's quite the ladies-man with his trademark brown jumpsuit.

Kim reportedly balances leadership duties with his love of American Cinema including such inexplicable favorites as Oriental-killing-themed "Rambo" and Anglo-centric spy movie, "James Bond."  Additionally, he is an avid golfer shooting 3 or 4 holes-in-one per round (according to state controlled media).  His biography states that he has composed six operas and is an internet expert.  Kim, however, was born in 1941 so being an internet expert for his age group likely consists of using a computer's cup holder and typing at nearly 10 words per minute.  If this site is ever down or having problems in the future, it is safe to assume that Kim Jong-il has something to do with it.

His love of cinema apparently reaches beyond merely watching, as Kim was reportedly involved in producing North Korean film "Diary of a Girl Student," depicting the life of a girl whose parents are scientists.  Although this sounds like either a dirty movie or an invitation for a two hour nap, Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) reported that Kim "improved its script and guided its production." Kim's image also starred as a smooth-talking marionette in the largest [puppet] movie ever produced, "Team America, World Police."
 

Oh hewwo!

Oh, hewwo!

According to Soviet records, Kim Jong-il was actually born in the Russian village of Khabarovska as a Korean exile during World War II.  He was originally known as  Yuri Irsenovich Kim making him a certain Pinko from birth.  According to official North Korean records, however, he was born at a secret military base on Baekdu Mountain in Korea.  His birth was said to be foretold by a new star in the sky and a double-rainbow over this mountain.

Kim Jong-Il took over North Korea when his father Kim Il-Sung (or "Great Leader" as he was known) died in 1994.  Naturally, like most modern countries, the ruling of North Korea is passed from father to son.

International Il-ness: When one thinks of North Korea's international relations, the biggest issue facing them is that they have officially been at war with South Korea since 1950.  Therefore, tensions between the two countries naturally take up a lot of Dear Leader's time when he's not golfing or watching movies. This year's big event for Kim was North Korea's attempted to launch the infamous "Taepodong-2" missile (the much-anticipated sequel to the Nodong-1).  The official reason for this launch was to put a satellite into space, but because of North Korea's general unpredictibility Japan was still quite nervous until stage 1 of this missile landed in the sea of Japan.  The rest of the missile then promptly landed in the Pacific Ocean.  North Korea naturally claimed success, saying that the satellite was orbiting and transmitting data and the "Song of General Kim Il-sung" and "Song of General Kim Jong-il".

type - o - dong ( 8=====D )

Kim is quite proud of his Taepodong-2 missile, but possibly he is compensating for something.

This missile launch comes after two successful North Korean nuclear tests within the last three years. Naturally, the "Bulletin of Atomic Scientists" decided to talk trash about this incident, possibly angering internet-expert Kim when he read their blog post.  As for the 2009 underground nuke test, these sassy scientists are quoted as saying "That's a lot of energy, much larger than the 2006 North Korean test, but [at only 4 kilotons] it still falls FAR short of an expected 12-20 kiloton yield of a crude Hiroshima-style device."  Yeah, you tell him what's up.  I'll be in the next state.

Kim most likely suffers from poor self image as a result of respected scientists, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and South Korea making fun of him constantly, even demeaning his atomic bombs as "just not that great." Still 4 kilotons is the equivalent of 4000 tons or 80,000 pounds of TNT.  We at pinkomenace.com are happy not to be affiliated with the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists.

kim and putin

Hewwo Mr. Putin!

On another note, rumors of Kim Jong-Il's death have bee propagated since 2003.  He did not show up for the Olympic torch ceremony in 2008, nor did he show up for his country's 60th anniversary celebration the same year.  South Korean media has suggested that he is grooming his son Kim Jong-Chul as a successor, however, if Kim Jong-Il is not alive, this would be difficult.  Being a known cinematographer, possibly Dear Leader has produced a training video for this purpose.

Don't forget to vote for Kim Jong-il as your favorite pinko leader!

Also, see our article on Kim Jong-il's wild 68th birthday.

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