Old-school Commie Video Games

Although most would think that video-games are solely the property of America and possibly Japan, there are many instances of Soviet influence on video games.  Although we have featured the modern-day Pinko video game "Allods" before, this article is about video games around when Gorbachev and Khrushchev were in power.  The most best-known example, of course, is Tetris.

Although this wasted countless hours of American time, we generally didn't have the internet.  For those of us that were technologically-savvy enough, Prodigy or dial-up Aol was closest to the internet that we got, and they charged by the hour.  Because of this, we probably had some free time to spend playing Tetris anyway, so the intended evil Soviet effect was not felt as greatly as would be desired.
 

tetris DOS

Tetris, the Pinko video game most Americans remember.

This next video game had no English name attached to it, so we're going to assume that it's called "Banana-Rama" and that the object is to race either the blue or red car around the pink (naturally) guy's face. This is achieved using the included steering wheel and gas pedal.  As in normal Russian cars, that is no brake pedal, so you have to be extra careful to avoid hitting the pedestrians.  When you achieve total victory by landing your car in the center of the pink guy's (Mr. Pinko's?) eye, you achieve total victory and it is customary to yell out "wayaywewah", as you are now the supreme Soviet, at least for that game.

mr pinko head

Image stolen from Museum of Soviet [Pinko] Arcade Machines.  This game is believed to be known either as "Banana-Rama" or "Mr. Pinko-head"*

 

 

According to the Museum of Soviet Arcade Machines, where "Banana-Rama" came from:


"Arcade Games were a part of childhood and youth of soviet people. They were made at the secret military factories from the seventies up to the Perestroika. Forgotten and broken down Soviet-era arcade games are being restored for Moscow's newest museum and now it is possible to play and feel atmosphere of the passed epoch.

Around 20 of the 37 different kinds of machines are now in working order. They operate with old Soviet 15 kopeck coins, the hammer-and-sickle emblem of which itself conjures up a bygone time. Visitors can try their luck with games like «Sea Battle», where the player looks through a periscope and pretends to be a submarine commander, attempting to torpedo passing ships. In «Tankodrom» the player tries to knock out rocket launchers and jeeps with a small plastic tank. The museum also features Soviet pinball tables, ice-hockey games for two and four players, a target shooting game called «Sniper» and early video games with titles like «Gorodki» and «Skachki» («Horse race»)."


15 kopeck coins, ahh, that does bring back memories!   Naturally, these games were made at "secret military factories" just like American games.  We, of course, are big fans of "Sea Battle" and "Sniper".  No word on what flag the ships being sunk were operated under or what  nation the sniped people were citizens of, but we can take a guess...

The Third Game that we are going to profile comes to us from the US game system "Atari".  Although the Russian origin of this game cannot be confirmed, it is thought that the purpose of this game "Communist Mutants from Space", is to terrify young children into obeying their Pinko masters without question.  The game was quite terrible though, and the Russian invasion never came, so all in all this game was pretty much a failure.  Here's a Youtube video of it, but we're not going to embed because the game really isn't that great.

Communist Mutants From Space    commie mutants from space 

Communist Mutants From Space.  And you wonder why kids don't play Atari anymore.

Finally, there was one old school Pinko video game that was the undisputed king of 80's American video gaming.  The fact that this game is on this list will probably hurt some people's feelings, but we try to tell the truth at Pinkomenace.com regardless of what people think.  That game was Super Mario Brothers.  Yes, the literature that came with the game would have you believe that Mario was simply a chubby Italian plumber, but upon closer inspection one can clearly see what his true ethnicity is.  And it's obvious that he is, indeed, wearing a red jumpsuit.

    mario     stalin

Wow, how did no one recognize that?

Mario is like a little Che Guaverra taking down the mushroom kingdom's flag and instead flying the flag of Communism over the little castles in the game.  Parents in the 80's were so concerned about the Smurfs being satanic or Mighty Mouse using drugs, but why was the fat little Pinko plumber ignored by most of the conservative media and parents?  

No one really knows that answer, but the Soviets did a masterful job of making the little plumber just cute enough and just Italian-looking enough that no one really questioned his origin.  At least in their conscious thought.  Subconsciously though, an entire generation of America was influenced by SMB into thinking that pinkos were OK.  Additionally, in Mario's other game, Donkey Kong, Mario wields a hammer on most levels.  The sickle was probably cut out as being just way too obvious.

mario's castle

In the end, Communism triumphs over the Mushroom Kingdom

 

mario the head commie

This is what the end of the battle looked like in real life.  Amazing.  This secret Communist photo was brought to us by a Soviet double-agent known only by the code name "Thrakk".

In addition to the photo from Thrakk, some pictures were originally sourced from "murderize.com", however, that site is no longer functioning.  Most likely that article just hit too close to home for the Soviets to handle.  Fortunately a blog named Nedmartin.org now hosts the original Mario story.  We suspect the Pinkos will shut that site down as well, but for now we're glad they are keeping this story alive.

*according to a Wired article, it's possible this game is called "Magistral"

Comments

Возьму на заметку.. Хорошо

Возьму на заметку.. Хорошо

Качественно однако,

Качественно однако, спасибо...

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