Vladimir Putin to Run for President of Russia? Again?

Thu, 12/24/2009 - 21:52 — JimFoster

According to the Associated Press, Vladimir "Thallium Master" Putin will consider running for president of Russia yet again in 2012. After having to step down after two terms as Dark Lord of the Evil Empire due to inconvenient constitutional restrictions, Vladimir all but announced his intentions to run against current president Medvedev in the next Russian election cycle. When asked, he is quoted as saying that he "will think about it, there is still enough time." He also said "don't hold your breath" when asked whether he was planning to leave politics.

"And I will sneak up behind the terrorists, and say "Kaboom!" Immediately fire will shoot from my hands, and they will surrender directly to me. Muhahahaha!"

This non-announcement was done at a monster 4 hour news conference. Certainly many Russians were disturbed at the preemption of the newly translated into Russian "Dawson's Creek" episodes, but no one complained (Publicly). Complaining about a Vladimir Putin news conference in Russia is tantamount to asking to be sent to the Gulag, just ask Mikhail Khodorkovsky. Naturally, we didn't embed this news conference in our site as no one would watch it, but it is available on YouTube if you're having trouble sleeping.

During this talk-fest, Vladimir took credit for softening the economic crisis and then teased the Russian rich for showing off their wealth, saying that their "fancy imported cars" were as grotesque as "golden teeth". Rappers across the US have promised retribution for this insult.

He also promised computers for a Russian schoolgirl and wished a 55-year old babushka happy birthday (possibly the Russian cat-lady). Although this would seem quite trivial in a normal press-conference, please keep in mind that this one lasted 62 minutes longer than the Orlando Bloom classic, Lord of the Rings. Most likely Mr. Putin needed some filler.

Vladimir demanded that he be named news anchor-for-life for RTN (Russian Television Network)
Source: AP

Also in this conference, Putin was asked a question about Joseph Stalin, who, being a Pinko himself, Putin naturally praised for his push for industrialization and for helping win World War II. Most likely to cover himself from more Capitalist-thinking Russians, he denounced him for various repressions (you know, minor things like killing twenty million people) under his regime.

All in all, it seems Putin is still somewhat in control of things around Russia.

Otherwise, why would any network let him talk for four hours on the air?

Don't forget to vote for Vladimir Putin as your favorite Commie leader!

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